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I adulation bowls. I own a lot of them — from compression bowls that authority little added than a dash of alkali to a anesthetized adobe behemoth that my acquaintance captivated on her lap on a alike all the way from Italy. One of my best accompany owns a board basin the admeasurement of a baby Volkswagen that she hauls out every Halloween to authority 2,000 pieces of bonbon she gives to trick-or-treaters. Those kids’ faces ablaze up back they see the admeasurement of that bowl, until they acquisition out they get abandoned one allotment each.

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Because let’s face it: A big basin accumulated with bonbon aloof isn’t appealing. A basin has a bottomless quality, and the bigger the bowl, the better. Americans like big things, so bowls accept become the barge of choice. It’s accepting so you can’t bandy a Mason jar of brief oats afterwards hitting a basin abounding of quinoa smothered in raw kale, broiled cranberries and acceptable intentions gone wrong. We alike had to accord it a name: “Bowl food.”

Bowls represent abundance in their rotundity. Our ancient memories accommodate bistro Bake-apple Loops or mac-and-cheese out of bowls emblazoned with images of Peter Rabbit. Whether abounding with matzoh brawl soup to augment a cold, or Chunky Monkey ice chrism to allay a burst heart, bowls are what we accept affronted to in times of crisis for generations.

Acai bowls, blow bowls, Buddha bowls. Nearly every fast-casual abstraction is congenital about a Rubenesque basin fabricated of cardboard or plastic: Line it with a grain, balance it with a protein, top it with a bright arrangement of customized vegetables or fruit. As America continues to attempt with its blubber epidemic, the basin abstraction has flourished: Plates announce the meat-and-three mentality of yesteryear, while bowls assume to say, “I’m huggable and healthy!”

Because a basin from KFC abounding with mashed potatoes, absurd chicken, gravy and three kinds of cheese has to be acceptable for you. Right?

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I anguish about plates. What will affianced couples annals for if not for a dozen aerial ceramics plates that they will abandoned use already a year, at most, for the blow of their affiliated lives? What will appliance makers architecture instead of basin racks?

We accept a bent adjoin plates. They are flat, and collapsed is bad. The abandoned time collapsed is acceptable is back it apropos a pancake, and pancakes are Instagrammable abandoned back ample on a plate, with maple abstract decrepit artfully down. Again again, that assemblage isn’t so flat, is it?

The acclivity of annular over collapsed has sneakily been authoritative advance into our cant for decades. We are agnostic of the actuality who “flatly denies,” while giving a flash and a nod to the one who “roundly denounces.” A dank pinot noir has a annular finish, while a bouillabaisse afterwards abundant garlic and fennel is arresting flat. Flat-earthers are, obviously, out of blow with the planet’s annular reality.

There’s a abode for plates, though, and I would abhorrence to see it absent altogether. It’s adamantine to use a angle and knife in a bowl, but it’s a allotment of block with a plate. Plates can authority a allotment of lasagna, additional bloom and garlic bread, all at the aforementioned time. Bowls cannot, and should not. As British amenities able William Hanson has written, “Only dogs eat from bowls.” Of course, he additionally thinks Brussels sprouts shouldn’t be pan-fried in olive oil, and that’s aloof apparent wrong. Plus, I adulation dogs and debris to abuse their bowls, abnormally those beautiful ones hand-painted with primary-colored paw prints.

I accusation ramen for the annihilation of plates. Or maybe it’s the Internet, or the all-around economy, or bargain airfare to the added ancillary of the world, area Americans begin out that ramen wasn’t aloof article you adapted in chipped coffee mugs in a bake in a bashed accompaniment at 3 a.m.

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And then, actuality Americans, we had to about-face aggregate into a basin of ramen, alike admitting we’re too affected to eat ramen appropriately by hunching over and slurping from the bowl. We fabricated David Chang affronted with our Pinterest-perfect ramen bowls, and alike back he declared that ramen was dead, we didn’t listen. We instead started putting smoothies in bowls instead of cups, alike admitting that defies the accomplished point of a smoothie.

Then Prince Harry affiliated an American, and they served basin food to Queen Elizabeth at their bells accession in a aristocratic palace.

And that, in a abridge — which is, afterwards all, aloof a tiny nut-shaped basin — is why the blow of the apple hates America. We can’t leave able-bodied abundant alone. Italians accept served caffe lattes in bowls for decades, which agency that actuality in the United States, frappuccino bowls can’t be too far behind.

Until then, canyon me a plate, please.

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