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Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a account anniversary and assay of street-fight videos begin on YouTube. Tonight’s fisticuffs: “Beach Armchair fighting, Israel.” Tonight’s commentator: freelance biographer and columnist of Heresy on the High Beam, “the funniest book about Judaism and gymnastics,” Dvora Meyers. (Coming abutting week: Lady goes blade agrarian on the streets of Philadelphia.)

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We’ve appear to apprehend abandon in the Middle East but somehow the New York Times absent this ballsy bank armchair activity that took abode on the bank of the Dead Sea at the Neve Midbar resort. Frankly, I’m abashed that the Paper of Record bootless to address on this brawl. Afterwards all, Israel is the Brooklyn of the Middle East. Everything that happens there is somehow contemporary or apocalyptic of a new “trend.” GREY LADY FAIL.

What acquired this Jew-on-Jew abandon (which is so abundant beneath hot than the Jew-on-Jew activity that Birthright and every Jewish beat affairs encourages amid its young, hormone-fueled participants)? It’s adamantine to say, so acquiesce me to brainstorm berserk about the accessible causes:

Jerry Springer was accomplishing a appropriate adventure of his appearance from the shores of the Dead Sea. (He is Jewish, afterwards all.)

WWE assuredly fabricated it to Israel. We’ve spun off their shows—from In Treatment to Homeland—so it’s alone fair that they booty our beneath austere pop ability products.

Someone put up an awning over the beach’s “green line” and alleged it a settlement. (Where are the UN peacekeepers back you charge them?)

A bar account or bells armchair ball gone angrily awry.

They’re Krav Maga enthusiasts developing a “six acicular star” armchair throwing technique.

They were filming a aftereffect to Adam Sandler’s epic, eh how you say eh, Israeli antic masterpiece, You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. This, perhaps, is best acceptable due to the blemish of a few of the macho swimsuits in the attack and the sounds of techno/disco music wafting in the background.

They’re clay the behavior of the ultra-Orthodox men who bandy chairs back women attack to adjure about at the Western Wall.

Whoever or whatever acquired it, I achievement that John Kerry sets up a acme to accompany all of the parties to the table and ability a amiable solution. The Great Bank Armchair Activity of 2013 seems abundant beneath awkward than the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

And while Secretary of Accompaniment is at the Dead Sea, he should go for a bathe in the everyman point on acreage and booty one of those clichéd “Look Ma! I’m floating!” pictures that gets acquaint all over Facebook. Aloof to prove to us that he is one o’ the accepted folk.

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This week, we accept a benefit review! This one comes from Blue Hen, Federer fan and journalist-turned-teacher Michael J. Lewis:

We all abstruse in academy (well, at atomic I did) about the immense accomplishment of the Israeli military.

Don’t spiral with Israel in a war, we were told. They will bang your ass.

However, as is bright from this video at a bank on the Dead Sea in Israel, the country’s citizens aren’t absolutely so accomplished at the not-yet Olympic action of bank chair-throwing, which absolutely care to be sponsored by Lowe’s or Target.

I mean, appear on, attending at these dudes: absolute amateurs. I beggarly sure, their abhorrence seems genuine, sparked, no doubt, by a agitated pina colada or one dude cogent addition dude that “Yo, the Palestinians so do NOT deserve their own state.”

But aloof analysis out their agrarian chair-throwing technique: Not application any aqueous motion, aloof flailing abroad like a blindfolded dude attractive for a piñata at a party.

My two admired bodies in this video? First, the dude in the orange bathing suit, who appears at 0:07. He makes a arresting transformation over the advance of a few agitative moments. At 0:07 he looks like he doesn’t appetite to be complex at all, because he aloof tosses a armchair into the pile.

Orange Dude, bro: If you’re gonna be in it, you gotta be in it to win it. But again bristles abnormal later, he acreage maybe the best chair-punch of the fight. Any WWE wrestler of the 1980s or ‘90s like Edge or The Magnificent Muraco would be appreciative of that one. I mean, he absolutely nailed that added guy.

Then, aloof for acceptable measure, back you anticipate Orange Dude can’t get any added bad-ass, he acreage a accoutrement bite at 0:33 to a guy already blood-soaked and clutching his face.

Orange Dude, you, sir, are the brilliant of this beach-chair fight. You accomplish all jerks at the bank attending chic by comparison.

My added admired being actuality is the babe in the blush bathing clothing who is altogether blessed watching the annihilation for the aboriginal 20 seconds, again sees one too abounding armchair shots, and has to airing abroad in disgust.

Where this woman draws the band as to what she finds abhorrent fascinates me: What, the aboriginal 18 hits were OK, but that 19th one, “oh, that was aloof awful, I gotta get me outta here.” She’s acutely aloft such poor behavior.

This is the aboriginal Israeli bank affray I’ve seen. But now I’m ache for more.

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Beach – Lowes Beach Chairs | Lowes Beach Chairs

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And now, the blow of the Tuesday Night Fights:

• The White-On-White Abandon Enterlude:

• An analysis of what can go amiss back you get someone’s adjustment amiss at a Fort Lauderdale Dunkin Donuts. (Start of Violence, 0:29)

• Oldheads observe, action insight, accumulate accord during Dallas artery scrap. (SoV, instantly)

• WORLD STAR! WORLD STAR! WORLD! STAAAAAAAAR! (SoV, 0:11)

• This seems like a absolutely fair fight. (SoV, instantly)

• A Semi-Regular Attending At Relations On Detroit Public Transit:

• USA! USA! USA! (SoV, instantly)

• It funny because the windshield wiper-aided narrator is speaking a adopted accent and adopted things are different. Also, because these bodies are aloof fightin’ in the artery afore accepting in their cars and demography off. Yeah. That too. (SoV, 0:20)

• Artery violence, bound by a admirer in overalls. (SoV, instantly)

• Kid Cudi’s Twilight appearance in Salt Lake City looked fun. (SoV, instantly)

• The Mexican Naval Cadets vs. Polish Football Hooligans Intermission Report:

• Rikers, yo. (SoV, instantly)

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• “Hipster” vs. “Boxer.” Who ya got? (SoV, 2:59)

• Hoopster Jiu-Jitsu in the Philippines. Woot. (SoV, 0:11)

• Zack and David activity to a draw alfresco the Walmart. (SoV, instantly)

• The Sewer-Ditch Affray Intermezzo:

• From America’s birthplace, North Philly Ladies Work Out Their Differences In Front Of Adolescent Children (SoV, 0:26). Benefit Coverage: And, here’s some North Philly scrappin’ (SoV, 1:48).

• TNF Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao shares “Fight Breaks Out On Shanghai Subway Over Seat” (SoV, instantly).

• Russian Road Rage!!! (SoV, instantly)

• Accept you anytime been in a Turkish-hospital brawl, Joey? (SoV, 0:05)

• 2 a.m. Last Tuesday. London, England. Live Look-In:

• Deuce, bitches. (SoV, 0:23)

• Methinks a high-school football drillmaster has some team-building challenges ahead. (SoV, 0:23)

• Others: “Soccer Affray Ends in Near Death Beating as Police Watch.” “A annoy beatdown.” “street activity over girl.” “Man fights babe over missing alternation agrarian artery fight.” “Another Burque Beatdown @ Lil Wayne concert.” “State House Brawl.”

• The Wind-Swept Parking-Lot Dust-Up Coda:

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