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There are two things the Delta Gamma sorority’s University of Maryland affiliate refuses to tolerate. The aboriginal is Delta Gammas who are “LITERALLY actuality so fucking AWKWARD.” The additional is adolescent ladies who are “so fucking BORING.”

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Last week, bitches got told.

A adviser forwarded us the afterward curse and CAPS-ridden email tirade, beatific to the absolute abode affiliate by one of its controlling lath members, that will go bottomward in history as one of the best amorous denunciations of FUCKING AWKWARD AND BORING-ness anytime committed to words.

[UPDATE 4/25: The abode sister who authored the email has now resigned. Click actuality to apprehend the sorority’s official statement.]

Delta Gamma is already afresh a safe amplitude for boners. One anniversary afterwards a base blast advance in…

The catalyst for the email: Sisters’ disability to participate in Greek Anniversary activities (particularly: those involving their “matchup” fraternity, Sigma Nu) to the achievement of the board.

(Put addition way: Delta Gamma’s administration was anxious that its adolescent achievers weren’t active up to the sorority’s celebrated mission “to advance aerial ethics of accord amid academy women, to advance their educational and cultural interests, to actualize in them a accurate faculty of amusing albatross and to advance in them the best qualities of character.”)

I do not accord a aerial fuck, and Sigma Nu does not accord a aerial fuck, about how abundant you fucking adulation to allocution to your sisters. You accept 361 canicule out of the fucking year to allocution to sisters, and this anniversary is NOT, I fucking echo NOT ONE OF THEM.

In the missive, the columnist expresses affair for her sisters’ (“you brainless cocks”) brainy able-bodied being…

Are you bodies fucking retarded?

…and encourages them, earnestly, to ability out to her if she ability be of assistance.

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That’s not a articulate question, I LITERALLY appetite you to email me aback cogent me if you’re mentally apathetic so I can accomplish abiding you don’t go to anymore night time events.

She reveals that she has accustomed chat from individuals cogent affair that Delta Gamma girls accept not been themselves at recreational antic events…

I’ve not alone gotten texts about bodies actuality fucking WEIRD at sports

…and behaving in agency assemblage begin unusual.

but I’ve gotten texts about bodies actually auspicious for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!!

Though the columnist understands the accent of acceptable sportsmanship…

I don’t accord a SHIT about sportsmanship

…she worries this behavior could actualize the consequence that Delta Gamma is a abode divided.

I will fucking cunt punt the abutting actuality I apprehend about accomplishing commodity like that, and I don’t accord a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

Finally, she instructs any sisters who ability not feel up to adorning to break home and recuperate…

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I affirm to fucking God if I see anyone actuality a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will acquaint you to leave alike if you’re sober.

…because advancement an atmosphere of brotherhood is key.

I would rather accept 40 girls that are fun, allocution to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots.

Love you girls!

And for those of you who are affronted at this email, I would apologize but I actually don’t accord a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

Here’s the abounding email (with the author’s name changed):

If you aloof opened this like I told you to, tie yourself bottomward to whatever armchair you’re sitting in, because this email is activity to be a asperous fucking ride.

For those of you that accept your active ashore beneath rocks, which allegedly is the majority of this chapter, we accept been FUCKING UP in agreement of night time contest and accepted amusing interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been accepting texts on texts about bodies LITERALLY actuality so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re account this appropriate now and adage to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been accepting so abundant fun with my sisters this week!”, again bite yourself in the face appropriate now so that I don’t accept to fucking acquisition you on campus to do it myself.

I do not accord a aerial fuck, and Sigma Nu does not accord a aerial fuck, about how abundant you fucking adulation to allocution to your sisters. You accept 361 canicule out of the fucking year to allocution to sisters, and this anniversary is NOT, I fucking echo NOT ONE OF THEM. This anniversary is about adopting relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking accessible if you’re activity to angle about and allocution to anniversary added and not our matchup. Newsflash you brainless cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and charge it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This additionally applies to you little shits that accept talked aboveboard about column gaming at a altered frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you bodies fucking retarded? That’s not a articulate question, I LITERALLY appetite you to email me aback cogent me if you’re mentally apathetic so I can accomplish abiding you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu aboveboard said “Yeah we’re gonna allure Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! Aboriginal of all, you SHOULDN’T be column gaming at added frats, I don’t accord a FUCK if your admirer is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your absolute ancestors is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT argue added girls to leave with you.

“But Julia!”, you say in a bellicose little allegation articulation to your computer awning as you apprehend this email, “I’ve been auspicious on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that calculation for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not alone gotten texts about bodies actuality fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, actuality brainless shits and adage actuality like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about bodies actually auspicious for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t accord a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you aloof so fucking close about what it agency to accomplish bodies like you that you anticipate actuality a acceptable little adherent of the greek association is activity to accomplish our antagonism happy? Able-bodied it’s time addition told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the abutting actuality I apprehend about accomplishing commodity like that, and I don’t accord a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

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“Ohhh Julia, I’m now arrant because your email has fabricated me oh so so sad”. Able-bodied good. If this email applies to you in any way, acceptation if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a awe-inspiring bits that does awe-inspiring bits during the day, this afterward bulletin is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you accept done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and accept some attenuate ache area you’re clumsy to NOT do these things, again you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather accept 40 girls that are fun, allocution to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the bodies that accept told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t allocution to boys I’m too sober”, again I benevolence you because I don’t apperceive how you got this far in life, and with that in apperception don’t fucking appearance up unless you’re activity to stop actuality a goddamn erect block for our chapter. Seriously. I affirm to fucking God if I see anyone actuality a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will acquaint you to leave alike if you’re sober. I’m not alike kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are affronted at this email, I would apologize but I actually don’t accord a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

We’ve accomplished out to the columnist for a acknowledgment and will amend aback we apprehend aback from her.

UPDATE: We accustomed the afterward email from the affiliate president, who says that the email does not reflect the chapter’s values.

My name is [redacted] and I am the accepted admiral of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my absorption that you afresh appear an acid email that was beatific out over my chapter’s list-serve. Is it accessible for you to either abolish the commodity or aloof abolish the names “Delta Gamma” and “Sigma Nu” from your article? This email actually does not reflect our chapter’s ethics nor Sigma Nu’s and any abetment you can accord us is abundantly appreciated.

Sincerely,

[redacted]

[Image via Shutterstock.]

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